Thursday, November 22, 2007

COUGAR INTERROGATION

Last week one of the partners of the firm asked me if I would be interested in 4 BYU vs. Hartford basketball tickets he wouldn’t be using.

He also had 4 tickets for another game that I could have used to take Cynthia to the game since our kids were spending the night with my sister-in-law. I am not sure that Cynthia has attended any BYU sporting event (despite being an alumnus) and if she has it wasn’t something she was interested in repeating. So I turned down the tickets for a free date night and determined to take the three kids on my own.

Cynthia thought this was absolutely insane. Cynthia’s comments were the following:

Are you sure you want to take all three to the game?
Are you sure you want to take HALLIE to the game?
You realize you won’t be able to stay because the kids will get bored.
You won’t see much of the game with three kids to take care of.

With tickets on the 4th and 5th rows and the memory of more than one plea from the kids to attend a BYU game, I wanted to make their “wildest dreams come true”. We arrived with about 3 minutes left in the pre-game warm up period. We took our seats in section 3—Nathan and Ilene in row 4 with Hallie and I directly behind them in row 5. The first half BYU was playing offense on our side.


Tip off comes and within 30 seconds Ilene has turned around to ask the first question of this interrogation – “Dad, how did they get those shirts up there?” I haven’t a clue what she is talking about—what shirts and where up there? The father sitting next to Ilene says matter-of-factly “the retired jerseys in the rafters”. DUH!! So I explain to Ilene that they were former BYU players who were really good and so no one gets to use their number any more.

OK, that settled let’s get back to the action. BYU hits its first basket and the score is 2-0. Then a foul. Nathan turns around and asks “Who did what dad and why?” I am not sure who did what and I certainly don’t know why he did it!! I made up some lame answer saying the BYU player was fouled by the Hartford player. I left out the why in my answer—is there ever a why answer in times like this?

Keep in mind this is a Tuesday night game two days before Thanksgiving and with no classes tomorrow for the kids of BYU this is not a well attended game. This is also just the opening brackets of the Las Vegas Invitational which is the Mountain West Conference’s way of trying to stage a competition while all the real teams are playing in Hawaii. So despite there being a small student section crowd (you all know that area…no seats just bleachers) they stood the whole game and “Oh’ed” whenever Hartford had the ball—a la Michigan and Kentucky. Nothing quite as intimidating and I only see those student sections on TV.

Next question – “Why are those people standing up? And why are they yelling all the time?” How do you explain this fanatic behavior to children ages 9, 6, and 3? Rather than try I did the ‘mean dad’ thing and just told them to watch the game.

Then comes the first TV timeout. Out come the cheerleaders to try and pump up the crowd. This isn’t much of a game, BYU has already hit several three-pointers and is up by 10 points. Ilene turns to me and asks “What is going on right now?” I told her it was a time out and that it is a longer time out because they are showing commercials on TV.

This time out allows Hallie to get her first glimpse of Cosmo. This will become a recurring subject as I will be constantly nudged throughout the rest of the game and asked “Where is Cosmo?” I really did try to watch the game but was often on ‘Cosmo Watch’ to delight my three-year old.

Nathan began to see a pattern. During all BYU free throw, attempts three cheerleaders would line up on the baseline and raise their arms in the air bringing them down as the ball was shot. If the free throw was made they would then perform a back flip. Next question – “Why do they do that?” Another why question answered with the terse “because”.

The kids soon noticed the scoreboard high above their heads and the antics that were displayed. Someone in the student section had his small son raised above his head holding a white board reading “I Hate Red!” I know that only at BYU would the student section have students with children. Hartford happened to be red, but the reference was to the U of U and the big rivalry game to be played at LaVell Edwards Stadium on Saturday.

Nathan asks “Dad what does T.O.L mean on the scoreboard?” What 9-year old cares is my first thought. ‘T.O.L.’ stands for Time Outs Left. This answer leads to more questions about the number of time outs allowed and why they show how many are left. Please shoot me now!

Amongst other inquiries the half expires with BYU ahead comfortably 46-22. So now we get entertained by an all-female vocal group complete with human beat box and the obligatory layup/3-point challenge where someone won $100. “Dad you should do that.” Ilene then turns to me and says “Are they showing commercials right now?” “Yes Ilene, there are commercials on the TV right now.” Ilene then inquires “Why don’t they show this? It is way better than commercials!” Maybe in China they show the halftime antics, but not here in capitalist America.

Halfway through the second half Ilene informs me that she needs to go potty. So up the stairs we go. We are in rows 4 and 5 after all and the exit portals are like row 36. Once up the stairs Ilene asks if she can go by herself to the girls’ bathroom. No is my reply and we all shuffled in to the vacant men’s room. Nathan and Ilene each head to a stall, while Hallie has to stare at the urinals. Now it my turn to ask myself—what is it with little girls and urinals?

Back down the stairs to our seats. A Hartford player fouls out. “Left, Right, Left, Right,…” is shouted by the student section with each step taken by the player as he leaves the court. Yes another question is brewing as heads turn. I am saved by the students screaming “Sit Down!!!” as the player finally takes a seat.

BYU has now scored 80 points so if I bring my ticket stub to Magleby’s in the next three days I can get a free entrée when I purchase one entrée and two drinks.

More questions, more answers, and more baskets. There are 30 seconds left and BYU has 97 points. The fans are calling for a final 3-point attempt but the team respectfully dribbles out the clock. Final score 97-73; Hartford matched BYU both scoring 51 points in the second half. The buzzer sounds and the backup center removes his wrist band and throws it into the crowd. Nathan catches it, turns to me and asks “Why did he do that?”

The Cougar Fight Song is played for the third or fourth time and I sing along. It has been at least 13 years (ever since I got married) since I have attended a BYU sporting event and the kids all want to know how I know the words. Hey my freshman year (1989-1990) I was a student season ticket holder who never missed a football, basketball, or volleyball game.

Last question of the night comes from Hallie as we are heading to the van for the drive home…“Can we come again tomorrow?” There isn’t a game tomorrow. “Can we come again tomorrow night?”

Well the memories will last a lifetime and perhaps I have created three new BYU fans in the process. My only regret - I forgot my camera. We could have taken pictures with Cosmo after the game. I set it on the dresser, but left it there in the rush to get out the door. Oh well, we will just have to go again for that.

4 comments:

Ilene said...

Yay! I'm so proudf of you Paul. Of course you know our poor kids have already been brainwashed into Duck sports. It will be interesting to take Jackson to his first real football and basketball game and have to field all of those questions. Of course, if it is at one of the Oregon games, I will be busy explaining drunken behavior and bad language in addition to the questions about fouls and such.

Go Cougars! Oh, by the way Jackson LOVES the Cougar fight song. Although I didn't have season tickets, I do think every BYU student memorizes that song during their tenure at BYU. I bet even Cynthia knows a few phrases. Dan doesn't even know all of the words to the Oregon song. Their kids just aren't as smart or corny as the BYU crowd, I guess.

Cynthia said...

I think you may have convinced me to come to the next game with you--just for all the fun outside of actual game. That is, if the tickets are free again. I'm not a total hum-bug. I would've gone if there had been 5 tickets and not just four. Thanks for taking them. You get brownie points for that one!

Anonymous said...

You forgot your camera!! Sounds like you had a very fun adventure!

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not I think I would have enjoyed this, too as long as Nathan, Ilene, and Hallie were there to keep me distracted. But, of course I would not have been able to answer the questions.

I don't really hate sports, I just don't find them all that interesting. Besides, I can waste a lot of time on my own without having all the sports I can get on satellite to totally drag me down.

The Dodgers used to be my big drug back when baseball was still a clean and affordable sport. I even drug my kids to a game or to in LA.

Truly a touching story, Paul. You are a great father for my grandchildren and likewise a husband for my daughter! Can't wait to see you all after Christmas.
Mike