Splurge of Laughter

Alright so my last post was a downer. Well I have to come clean and say that I did listen to the advice of the media and spent some money frivolously.

I have always been a fan of newspaper comics. I remember feeling a little piece of me was taken away when both “The Far Side” and “Calvin and Hobbes” were retired. Luckily along came “Dilbert” to fill the void. I really enjoy “Frank and Ernest”, “Baby Blues”, and “Zits” too. I wonder whether I subscribe to the paper solely for the comics?

Every once in a while I see the box sets of these comics at the bookstore or at Costco and think to myself—that would be fun to have. Well I got my tax refund and decided I deserved to spend a little of it in a purely on something totally unnecessary.

To ensure that the accountant in me didn’t get in the way I added the box sets of all three comics to my wife’s Amazon.com cart. The next day while talking to her from the office I mentioned the items in the cart and told her to go ahead and finish the process. Yes, I am that lame…I would probably have talked myself out of the purchase going through the layers of the ordering process.

Well the books all arrived (before Cynthia’s book order to her chagrin) and Cynthia was able to haul them in the front door—barely.

It has been quite fun to start Book One (of three) of “Calvin and Hobbes”. I love Calvin’s alter ego ‘Spaceman Spiff’, his fear of the monsters under the bed, and the messes he gets himself into. I think I have now read two straight years of the ten years. So there are many laughs to come.

Then I have fifteen years of “The Far Side” which will require much more thought as you have to get into the psyche of Gary Larson to try and understand why each comic is so darn funny.

“Dilbert” will be the pinnacle. It even comes with a CD containing all 20 years of comics for adding to my blog entries or printing to hang on my office door. Like this one selected at random:

Cold Shower Reality Check

I was reading the most recent edition of Fortune magazine and came across this compelling article by Geoff Colvin.

In this article he describes that from 2002 to 2007, in a period of economic prosperity, we Americans actually spent more than we made. This is significant because in prosperous times historically we tend to save for a “rainy day”. This fiscal responsibility has enabled us to weather the “rainy days” without forsaking all we have become accustomed to during prosperous times.

Colvin likens this behavior to Pharoah’s dream of the fat and lean cows. I can think of a fable that tells the same story (The Ant and the Grasshopper).I have heard these kinds of directives preached over the pulpit, broadcast on TV (a la Susie Orman), and touted on websites.

Whatever the source, the economic principle is always the same: everyone ought to live not only within their means but slightly below their means so that in times of famine/winter you can draw on those accumulated resources to sustain you.

Of course, the antithesis has been widely established and persuasively marketed for years too. With ever increasing home prices and 401k portfolios it seemed we could always tap into our “equity” to afford that new car, electronic gadget, recreational vehicle, or dream vacation. And as with so many other things in life the prudent, conservative path ends up being the road less traveled. So we find ourselves collectively in a mess. All of a sudden the hot water ran out and we are standing under the showerhead shivering from the ice water spraying forth.

So for now the government is encouraging us to get out and spend. Somehow borrowing from the future will magically make the hot water come out again. Wasn’t spending more than we had what got us into this predicament? I’m pretty sure it was, but the only way to get the economy moving forward is to spend. So we will now mortgage our kids’ American way of life to try and keep the ball rolling for us.

I will be the first to say that I will spend just as I have my whole life over, which is to say I will save some. It just feels good to put a little aside. I just hope that maybe we all lower our expectations of what we need to warm showers instead of ‘fog up the windows’ showers. It might even be good for you.

Thankful to be an American

The other day Ilene wanted to know what the 4th of July was all about. So I sat down and explained to her that we were part of England and the king kept asking for more taxes. The colonists in America decided they had enough and wrote the Declaration of Independence to the king telling them that he was no longer in charge. We then talked about the Revolutionary War and how we won the fight and became our own country.

Then we decided we didn’t want a king and so we voted for a president and other elected officials to represent us.

This morning Ilene decided to ask me again what the 4th of July was all about. I told her we had discussed it just the other day so we rehashed the history lesson in abbreviated form. Then Nathan walked in and asked “What was the Civil War about?” So then we talked about slavery and wanting to stay one country.

Thankfully the Young Men leaders in our ward post a flag in our yard each national and state holiday. I would say this is a Young Men/Scout service, but I have yet to see young men out doing this great deed. I guess it’s a good thing they are working on this fundraiser meant to provide them with funds to go to Scout Camp and other activities!!

We ventured out and do what all good Americans do on any day—we consumed. We went to purchase a pressure cooker, but didn’t find one worth purchasing. But we did find some popsicle molds—I am looking forward to all fruit popsicles since I refuse to eat Otter Pops. We then went to another store and bought new cordless phones since our current pair hold a charge for no more than 1 minute of talking even if the phone has been in the charger for 12 hours.

Then it was off to the grocery store to buy fireworks (dollars going literally up in smoke) and supplies for the mandatory barbeque. First of all, we bought soft ice cream cones at the deli counter. The deli counter has plenty of diversions for the kids like a TV advertising things. Being Independence Day they had replaced all the propaganda with scenes of America accompanied by the national anthem.

As we were eating our ice creams and selecting produce, Ilene came over to me and said “Dad, the music they were playing was the Star-Strangled Banner.” After I guffawed, I informed Ilene that the flag is not choked with stars but rather adorned (spangled) with stars. This is the seven-year old who slices and dices words so literally as to twist words into the complete opposite of what was intended.

As I contemplate this funny episode I have to stop and appreciate all that this great country has to offer.

1. Today, as with every day, I woke up devoid of fear for my own or my family’s safety. I was certain that a marauding bunch of supporters of an undemocratic regime might kill me only for not agreeing with them.

2. I ate blueberry pancakes for breakfast. As I looked at the pantry and refrigerator I realized I had more varieties of food than many people have ever imagined.

3. I organized my closet this morning. In the process, I identified 5 pairs of dress pants that while perfectly suitable are not necessary because I bought new ones last month. I still have many pairs of pants and yet there are people in this country and elsewhere who may not have one pair of pants.

4. I let my kids play outside freely. I wasn’t concerned that a rebel military faction may kidnap one of them and hold them ransom for over 6 years.

5. I traveled where I wanted, when I wanted, and shopped for things that while convenient were not necessary for sustaining life. I did not spend my day traveling a dirt road with a jug on my head in the hopes of returning with enough water to last me only the day.

I could go on and on, but suffice to say we are very blessed to have the liberties and freedoms we enjoy in this United States of America.

Modern Day Snake Oil

Do you remember the music video "Say, Say, Say" by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney? It portrayed a huckster making obscene profits by selling a 'cure-all' to uninformed country folk in the late 19th century. The video is one of those I can remember from the early days of MTV when they actually played music on Music Television.

Well the times and clothing may have changed, but there are plenty of hucksters out there still trying sell cure-alls now they just come in cooler bottles, are marketed more cleverly, and still cure everything. Oh and they still cost an arm and a leg. The only thing that may have changed is that they taste better - or at least that is the claim.

Let me be very clear about my feelings about the nutraceutical industry: I don’t believe that any natural substance made into any form has the ability to cure baldness, cancer, arthritis, diabetes, increase your libido and provide you with more energy all at once. I do believe natural substances can alleviate symptoms, improve well-being, etc. but not one substance is a cure-all.

Some of my opinions are eloquently expressed in this Dilbert comic:

I find Scott Adams’ wit uncanny at times and this is one of them. Of course, his criticism is very subtle as he simply implies that a placebo has more effect than the actual product.

What is a nutraceutical? As defined by Wikipedia – it is a combination of the words nutrition and pharmaceutical. Such a product is usually an extract of food(s) claiming to have a medicinal effect on human health in the form of a physiological benefit or protecting against a chronic disease.

I live in the capital of the nutraceutical industry; Utah County. It carries dubious distinction thanks to Senator Orrin Hatch and his political influence in Washington. Senator Hatch was the co-sponsor of a bill in 1994 that prohibited the FDA from providing any sort of regulatory oversight. This has allowed the industry to mushroom and expand its reach by increasing the diseases, conditions, and symptoms its products can cure or alleviate. I saw a very interesting Frontline news article on this on PBS some time ago--here is the link.

Here are at least a few Utah County companies who market and sell juices that do all kinds of good things for you:

Morinda – purveyor of Tahitian Noni; a juice made from the noni fruit.
XanGo – purveyor of XanGo; a juice made from mangosteen.
Nature’s Sunshine - purveyor of Thai Go; a juice made from mangosteen and other good stuff.
Neways – purveyor of Durian Fusion; a juice made from the durian fruit.
Xija - purveyor of zija, a juice made from the moringa oleifera plant.

While the purveyors of these liquid elixirs may all be located in Utah county you are all in luck these products are available for purchase on the internet or via your local huckster, a.k.a. your slightly irregular neighbor who always has a get rich scheme up their sleeve.

My employer has several clients that are involved in this industry and helped to organize a networking group for such people who always seem to sell their product through a multi-level marketing (MLM) scheme. Of course they don’t refer to it as MLM because that connotes being like Amway. So they call it ‘direct selling’ because they bypass stores and other methods to get the product directlyto you the end consumer. Somehow they seem to leave out the fact that the product costs next to nothing to produce and by virtue of its health value should command a premium price equivalent to a fine bottle of wine. Such a price enables everyone in the direct selling network to earn a commission on each bottle sold.

I can find several other things common among all of these products as follows:

1. an exorbitant price
2. slick marketing
3. wildy outrageous claims of varying health benefits
4. legal disclaimers that the FDA hasn't evaluated the viability of the product
5. FDA warning letters disputing the the health benefit claims made by the purveyors

These things that make me wonder what they have to hide. It is obvious to me that they don't want me to know something about their products and that is exactly why I don't want them to have my money or my silence in not making my opinions known regarding their products.

26 Items of No Interest Whatsoever

I have been 'invited' to answer the following questions each starting with a different letter of the alphabet. So without further introduction here they are.

A- Attached or Single? 'Whooped' is probably the better adjective for me!
B- Best Friend? Cynthia, there is no contest.
C- Cake or pie? Tough call. Any cake or pie my wife extraordinaire makes is worth a second and third piece.
D- Day of choice? Saturday – no work (well maybe not this time of year)
E- Essential Item? My wedding ring – gotta wear it to keep ‘em from flocking!!
F- Favorite Color? Blue
G- Gummy Bears or Worms? Neither; I grew out of that phase. Give me a baked treat instead.
H- Hometown? Diamond Bar, CA
I- Favorite Indulgence? Playing Warcraft with my brothers and watching Lakers games
J- January or July? July. Walks along the river, windows open at night, and sun that warms the soul
K- Kids? Who had to bring them up? 3 if you really must know.
L- Life isn't complete without? Cynthia, see responses to A, B, C, E, and M
M- Marriage date? 12/29/94
N- Number of brothers and sisters? 2 brothers, 2 sisters (all younger) boy/girl/boy/girl/boy. Yes my mom is that organized!!
O- Oranges or Apples? Apples although I love orange juice in the morning
P- Phobia and fears? Confrontation – I would rather we all just got along
Q- Quote? “This room is a mess there are things scattered from hell to breakfast” Thanks dad.
R- Reason to smile? It’s 7:45 pm and bedtime is in 15 minutes
S- Season of choice? Summer – no more down comforter
T- Tag three people? I don’t have three blogger friends to tag – no I am not bitter.
U- Unknown fact about me? I regularly wore yellow Bugle Boy pants during high school with Flojos sandals and a mint green or aqua blue t-shirt. Thank heaven no one has a picture of that ensemble.
V- Vegetable? There aren’t many I don’t like and that includes brussel sprouts, endive, and other oddities.
W- Worst habit? I have to rearrange the dishes in the dishwasher because no one can organize it to maximize the amount of dishes washed at one time.
X-Ray or Ultrasound? Not sure what this is asking.
Y- Your favorite food? Just one? I will go with a ethnicity - Mexican – tacos, taquitos, tortilla chips and guacamole, enchiladas, etc.
Z- Zodiac sign? Virgo

Let There Be Sound

Ok, it took me awhile to make this blog more like myself. I love music! I especially love somewhat obscure '80s music. But nowadays I find myself gravitating to female vocalists--Colbie Caillat and Sara Barreilles are my most recent finds--because they are office environment friendly.

So without any further ado - rock out to some of my favorite female artists past and present. I have a second finetune playlist already made so if you get tired of this one post a comment and I will switch it up.

Who am I kidding no one reads what I write let alone stays long enough to listen to all 45 songs on this playlist.

I will work on an all '80s playlist that will be sure to bring back memories!!

Happy listening, Paul