The Darker Side of Paul

Well here goes…I began this whole blog thing with the grand vision that I could fill it with funny anecdotes and experiences relating to my life as a CPA; hence the name of the blog “Musings of a Bean Counter”. Alas, I have come to the realization that there is far too much truth to the stereotype of accountants as boring, uninteresting people.

Inspired by a blog by my sister-in-law, I am going to expound on the dark side of my teen music obsession. I must first explain a few things—I am the oldest of five children raised by two college-educated parents (Dad – PhD in Chemistry Mom – BS in Microbiology) who were both the first children in their families of six siblings. My parents had high expectations of their children and being the oldest meant I had to be the standard to which they could direct my four younger siblings.

So the fact that I was able to attend rock concerts is amazing since it didn’t fit the “normal” realm of a middle-class Mormon household. It started with an R.E.M concert at The Forum (now the Great Western Forum). This was several years before it became vogue for sports arenas to get corporate sponsors.

Anyway, that R.E.M. concert was my first of many in high school. We were way up in the rafters a long way from the stage. The smell of pot reeked at that altitude and based on recent scientific research related to second-hand smoke I may have been “second-hand stoned” by the end of that night. The concert was fabulous. I will always remember the stage being pitch black while the band was taking an intermission and then hearing Michael Stipe announce “This is the stupidest song ever written” followed by the opening stanza of “Stand”. The lights then flooded the stage and off they went. If you were an R.E.M. fan of that era you no doubt could do the absurd dance depicted in the music video.

That did it—I was hooked on live music concerts. I had a part-time job at a pizza restaurant and a paper route (yes at the ripe old age of 17 I still had a paper route—ooh another blog topic!) that provided the funding for these excursions.

Later that same year I went to see New Order perform, Love & Rockets, and back to see New Order again. The next year I saw Erasure and The Psychedelic Furs and finally the B-52s.

In my twenties I didn’t attend concerts, for what I believe are two reasons. One, Utah has not been a traditional stop for many big tours; and two, I was now a “starving student”. The lone exception is that I took my wife, Cynthia, to see Howard Jones for her college graduation present.

No rock concerts since then. I guess the accountant in me can’t bear to part with $50+ for each ticket to watch middle-aged rockers try to recreate the music of my teenage years.

My biggest regret is not seeing my beloved OMD play in concert. They opened, along with Thomas Dolby, for Depeche Mode on their ‘Music for the Masses’ tour and from multiple sources who attended “stole the show”.

Alas, these concert goings do not represent the “dark side” of my musical outlet. My friend, Chris Johnson, was my resource for all of this dark music—he had two older brothers. Chris lost his dad to cancer his freshman year of high school. As a result, they all received Social Security checks until they turned 18. This extra money enabled them countless trips to Rhino Records. I can remember going on occasion to check it out. Imagine the employees at a Hot Topic store only dirtier and scarier and the store itself is dark and industrial. That is what that place was like.

Anyway, I loved this music. It was a perfect outlet for me to express teenage angst about everything. Being a private person by nature most of this was enjoyed in my own bedroom. A luxury I will attribute to my current sanity (such as it is) after sharing a bedroom with my two younger brothers until the age of 14.

So in loving tribute to hours spent laying on my bed listening to cassette tapes recorded from vinyl records by my friend Chris Johnson, here are some of the great song titles from these dark bands (Why they never killed themselves I will never know!):

Bauhaus -Who Killed Mr. Moonlight and Terror Couple Kill Colonel
Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Visage - Fade to Grey and The Damned Don't Cry
Peter Murphy - Should the World Fail to Fall Apart
New Order - Shellshock and Murder
Love & Rockets - Waiting for the Flood

I could go on naming songs by The Cure, The Smiths, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Echo & The Bunnymen, Oingo Boingo, and Tears For Fears that fit this same criteria. So much of this music has been relatively lost in my regular playlist because it isn’t available online or I just am not that dark and haunted. I have a great job that fulfills my professional goals. I come home to a beautiful wife and three cute kids. They provide me with too much joy to get down too often.

There are days when I could just cuddle up in my bedroom and listen to this stuff to wallow in the mud after a long day at work and the craziness brought on by my children. At times like that I thank heaven for OMD, Erasure, Howard Jones, and female vocalists like Sarah McLachlin, Annie Lennox, Sheryl Crow, and others who provide me with “upper” music to keep me from killing one of them or myself!